Mostly-Mommy

First let me tell you about my day today:

* While I was getting breakfast made Nick left his door open so Zoey went in and dumped pee from his potty everywhere and got all wet.
* I took Nick to school with his runny nose and his teacher thought it was ok for him to stay.
* Zo and I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart for lots of junk food for the guys coming to visit this weekend (hi guys!).
* Good thing it was a quick trip because the school had me come back to pick Nick up.
* Karsen (my little bro) is back from school so he came over for a while.
* Roscoe stole Nick’s lunch and ate it. Jerk dog.
* I don’t feel too spiffy. I’m tired, I have a headache and I feel things that I shouldn’t like my eyeballs, eardrums, sinuses, and lungs. I think our whole family has this now. Meh.

Okay, now that I’m done whining about TODAY let me tell you about Tuesday, which was Nick’s first day of preschool. There will be a lot less whining I promise. From ME, anyway.

Isn’t he cute? Always with that face.

I think his favorite thing was getting to use his backpack for something other than just an overnight bag. And he enjoyed the school quite a bit. It is always interesting to try and get factual information out of a toddler (is he still a toddler?!?) but he says they played outside, read a story, ate pineapple, and that his teacher painted his feet. Hmph.

We had a celebratory post-Preschool dinner at Chick-Fil-A. Nick was pretty happy about that too. Especially the ice cream.

It has been a while since I’ve written about anything newsworthy here but alas I am incoherent lately, so allow me to update you in a handy numbered list format:

1. For the Fourth of July we spent the day picking apples, shooting off fireworks and BBQ-ing over at my mom’s house. Well, BBQ-ing to the best of our meager abilities since we lost Chef Bob to Camp for the summer. I think we did a pretty stellar job too if I do say so myself.

2. Friday night my mom, Nick and I headed downtown for the fireworks by the river. It was the first time Nick had seen a “real” fireworks display. It was WAY past his bedtime and he DUG it. Especially the shuttle down to the river in the school bus. I think he liked that even more than the fireworks.

3. We did one of those kid clinics at the Home Depot where Nick built a birdhouse. We had lots of fun. Thanks Home Depot!

4. Saturday evening Mike and I slipped away for a romantic dinner at Buca di Beppo on the Plaza before sending Nicholas away to stay at Casa de Grandma for the night. I don’t think he minded too much.

5. Pottytraining is going VERY well. Diapers are completely out of the mix and he even wears his undies at night now. Yeah!

6. Zoey has been way pissy. Seems like some sort of teething/devil possession/growth spurt/separation anxiety kind of pissiness. Is she too young to be in the Terrible Twos?

7. Roscoe has been a real nozzle lately. He does not enjoy the 4th of July.

8. Roscoe jumped over Nick’s head and smashed his face into the baby gate, putting his teeth through his lip and getting blood EVERYWHERE right before we had to leave for an appointment. See #7. On the plus side, I’ve found that treating bloodied items with Spray n’Wash then soaking in a Borax solution is highly effective for stain removal. Just thought you’d like to know.

9. We had a big ol’ storm Wednesday night with hail the size of golf balls. We watched it out the front window and saw our car take some pretty good hits. It was nice to not be upset about the hail because what, was it going to give us our 37th dent? Aluminum hood: Makes Your Car Safer, What Else Do You Want From It You Whiner?

10. My mom and I took Nick and Zoey to visit a baby that was only three days old. Zoey took one look at him and put her arms out to take him. She had that look in her eye and she wanted that baby to be her very own. She got more than a little agitated when that turned out not to be the case.

That’s enough for now right? Oh, one more thing I guess. Karrmedia is updated!

Here’s a great way to clean your dining room:

1. Secure your baby in the walker, assume everything is under control for five minutes.

2. Go take a shower.

3. Forget there are two bottles of Ecover Dish Washing Liquid for your mom on the dining room table. Don’t worry, your almost 3-year-old won’t.

4. Complete quick shower. Realize the house is too quiet. Wrap yourself in a towel, walk out of bathroom, try not to laugh, then try not to be TOO ANGRY. RAAAAHHHHH!

5. Scoop up what you can using a pyrex measuring cup and plastic spatula.

6. Wipe up what you can with a dry rag. Don’t bother rinsing because it will take 30,000 gallons of water and two years of your life to get the soap out of it. Just save yourself the hassle and throw it away.

7. Mop up what you can with a wet rag.

8. Repeat Step #7 about 150 more times.

9. Cry a little.

10. Give up.

11. Wish your dining room looked a little cleaner after all that.

There you go! Eleven foolproof steps to get you… um, frustrated? With prune hands? You’re welcome.

Also, if possible, Steps 5 through 11 should be done with a weepy, drooly, crying, teething baby clinging to your back or leg at all times. The proverbial “monkey on your back,” if you will.

Blah, blah, busy, yadda yadda, sick, blah.

I don’t have the capacity for coherent thought anymore so here are a bunch of the things that have happened in the past couple weeks in list form:

1. The Cable Guy got to see my boob. Bonus! Also, I found out his girlfriend has 15 cats.

2. At the grocery store last week the bagger put my reusable nylon bags inside of a new plastic bag for me to carry them home in. Does anyone not get the obvious message here? Well at least one person doesn’t I guess.

3. Nick was a skeleton for Halloween and went on his first Trick-or-Treating mission to score his dad some candy. He DUG it. Funny thing about kids though, whenever anyone offered him another piece he wouldn’t take it and gestured wildly about the bag already having their candy in it. I guess we learn excess with age.

4. The aforementioned skeleton costume? He wore last year’s skeleton hoodie and I made him a mask. It took me three minutes. Total cost: nada! Freaking adorable though.

5. I’ve been entering a ton of contests. I am desperately trying to win us a dream vacation or money for home repairs or at the very least some kind of new toy to entertain the little hellions for a minute.

6. I’m still very, very tired.

7. Mike says Zoey is a “Binary Baby.” She’s on or off. Happy and smiling switches instantly to angry and screeching. Sleeping peacefully switches instantly to wide awake and screeching. She is such a little Gemini!

8. Zoey can only sleep while swaddled. Seriously what is up with that? I took her to the chiropractor last week and her wake-ups instantly decreased but it is still 2-3 times a night and up at 6am. Why don’t my children like to sleep? Don’t they know that I like to sleep?

(doesn’t she look like a little pink Mini Me?)

9. We were eating out a Waldo Pizza with my mom and Bob last week and the entertainment I brought was a roll of tiny Spongebob Squarepants tattoos. When asked where he wanted his he proclaimed loudly for all to hear, “Tattoo my BUTT!”

10. Nick poured his milk out all over the rug and licked it up like a dog.

11. Nick can outsmart our “childproof” outlet covers and plugs things in them every time I am busy nursing Zoey. Thankfully the things he likes to plug in are electrical devices, not screwdrivers.

12. I won a 6-month subscription to “What’s Cooking Weekly.” Dinner menus and recipes all planned out for me five nights a week? Yeah, I can do that.

13. A couple of nights ago Nick, Zoey and I all took a bath together. We are so freaking adorable that I wish I could show you the pictures — but it was enough that the Cable Guy saw my boob, you don’t need to also.

14. While we were in the bath we began hearing noises, disturbing noises like a large animal in our duct system. Upon investigation Mike found the source of the noise: a cat in the ventilation system. Specifically our cat, Griffin. He went in through the vent that Nick took the cover off of while our other cat, Sabine, stood guard. Just glad it wasn’t an angry squirrel this time.

15. Finally got my bulbs planted last weekend (thanks mom!). One project down 49,852,477 left to go.

Okay, I’m out.

No more videos for now, I’m tapped 0ut. It was a good run though!

Mike has been out of town since early Sunday morning — in San Diego of all places. And when he is gone (which is a LOT this year) I am left to deal with some combination of illness, constipation, growth spurt, nap strike, eating strike, boundary testing, and/or general orneriness.  I think on this trip it has been all of the above.

Today has been a true test of my patience as a mother. Here is a list of Nick’s accomplishments so far:

1. I caved while at Target and bought him a fairly small train set. He was so cute saying “Pleesh?” and trying desperately to get it into the cart (I said smallish, not lightish). When we got it home he dragged it in from the car all by himself, then when we put it together he gave me a big hug and said “THANK YOU DODDY!” (I am doddy)

2. Bit Zoey in the finger.

3. Decided that if he does something he shouldn’t that a “Sorry doddy” or “Sorry sister” will make it all better. After about the third time it doesn’t anymore.

4. Lay down on top of Zoey.

5. Had a massive poopsplosion in the playplace at Chick-Fil-A.

6. Squirted Clean Shower in his mouth while he was in the bathtub. Yes, I called Poison Control. No, it is not a problem. Yes, I will put it up higher now. Yes, I did leave him unattended in the bathtub for a minute while I picked up the poopy diaper. And no, I do not need a lecture about that. Remember how I am alone here?

So long story short, THANK GOD MIKE IS COMING HOME TOMORROW. I am going to make them all leave and then I am going to take a nap. I need it.