I need to be scrubbed, boiled and sterilized. Then probably also committed. Just a taste of the highlights of my afternoon:
1. Not one but BOTH of my children clogged the toilet back-to-back.
2. Not one but BOTH of those times required me jamming my bare hand in there to try to salvage things in a hurry when the overflow threatened.
3. One of those times I did not succeed and the overflow happened, resulting in more grossness on the floor, in the basement (sigh), and on several towels.
4. While I was in the basement trying to do nasty poo-water laundry the children were upstairs flinging around a jump rope and as a result, a cup of green juice.
5. Knowing I would be angry Nick fled to the upstairs and drug his sister along — in a minute you’ll know why that was a Very Bad Thing.
6. Zoey slid around in the green juice and hello Spray-and-Wash, mopping the kitchen and cabinets, and her shirt had to be put in the garbage.
So in what I consider to be an absolutely stellar moment that I will forever pride myself on, I did not beat my children, scream at them, or shout a stream of profanities that would make any sailor blush. Instead I stripped Zoey down and cleaned her up, put them both in their room, and calmly informed them that it would be in their best interest if they stayed in there for a while and were completely silent. I think calm mommy was infinitely more terrifying than raging mommy and so far, not a peep. Good thing too.
